


Is it okay to be here?

by SaeKyomi



Series: You're family too Keith [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Autistic Keith (Voltron), Cries in altean, Crying Keith (Voltron), Family, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Keith (Voltron), I love Keith but I love to watch him suffer, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, Keith is like a child who needs to learn and patient people to help him, Keith needs help, Medication, More tags to be added, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Overworking, Panic Attacks, Pills, Post-Season/Series 03, Seizures, Sick Keith (Voltron), Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Someone is dying, Space Dad Shiro, Team as Family, i want people to give Keith love, keith doesn't know things, keith is sad, lance is a jerk sometimes, red lion - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-01-09 17:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12280734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaeKyomi/pseuds/SaeKyomi
Summary: The only thing he remembers was the horrified screams from his teammates when he fell._What started with a twitch in his right hand and the thought that it was nothing, and that he was useless to the team left him with tragic consequences. Because something was horribly wrong with him.Can the team make him realize that he has a family in front of him and that they can definitely help him or will they just reject him?





	1. The Beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello this is my very first Voltron fic.
> 
> English is not my first language so please bare with me.
> 
> *Also it gets way better in the 4th chapter!*

Keith exited the black lion after he landed on the castle. It was a close battle, and for once in his life he would finally admit that he felt scared or in other words 'not strong enough'. He had been about to land a critical hit on Lotor when he felt his bayard just fell from his hand, shattering into the ground before him, making him take a moment to actually realize what had happened.

Just then was when the tables had turned, Lotor had the upper hand, he could kill Keith right there in the spot, and much to Keith’s liking Lance was there to save him by shooting into Lotor's hand, grabbing Keith's bayard and his arm and pulling him along as they hid in a sharp corner.

Lance was frantically checking him for injuries and asking him millions of questions along the lines "are you hurt somewhere? What happened?" Questions that were never going to be answered and that it would be better if he allowed Lotor to strike Keith.

And the only thing Keith could pay attention to was his twitching fingers and how when he tried to close his hand it send a spiking pain up his arm and then it felt numb for a few seconds. His mind blurred with him trying to concentrate on Lance’s talking, but nothing would make him forget about what had happened.

But as Keith looked at his hand now he was actually able to open it and close it with ease. So what was happening before?  
He brushed off as the thought that he probably had been training too much and that his hand was probably tired.

"Hey man are you alright?" A voice startled Keith out of his thoughts and he turned around quickly only to see Lance placing an hand on his shoulder and handing him his bayard. 

Keith nodded as he slowly went to grab his bayard. A cold sweat formed on his brow as the thought that he would drop it just when everyone was watching it. Now that would be bad. He thought.

"Keith?" Lance called for him in a worried tone as he saw the way Keith held his bayard with somewhat difficulty as he then allowed to dematerialize into his suit.

"T-Thanks." Keith stuttered a bit before he quickly made his way out of the Lion’s hangar and into his quarters. All eyes following every step before the door swooshed closed.

"Lance is Keith alright?" Allura asked and the only thing Lance could do was shrug his shoulders and worry for the mullet teenager.

_______

Keith staggered to his way through his small-yet for Keith it felt so immense-room and reached for the cardboard box where he kept his belongings. He barely had anything in that box compared to everyone in the team but for him that didn't mattered, or at least that's what he thought anyway.

After a while of shuffling-because Keith felt so disoriented that he couldn't really focus on what he was trying to find-he finally found the little Altean type of a camera. Allura gave them all one saying that it was good sometimes for them to record themselves and keep it in a log way. It would be beneficial for all of them if they were dealing with any kind of anxiety, anger or insecurity.

And Keith would be lying if he said he never recorded a single thing on it. Because in fact he did it a lot, and he started to record more after Shiro had disappeared and he became the black Paladin. Even after Shiro came back he felt like that was the WRONG Shiro and that it was not the Shiro who left them, and so that only caused him to make more and more vlogs.

He sat on his bed and he turned the camera on before starting.

"Today I almost died I guess.." The sentence sounded more of a question than a statement before he continued. "Lance had to save me and- I don't know what's wrong with me. I could've killed Lotor I could have ended everything except I-...I was the one who almost got killed by Lotor my hand I felt that it stopped working, and I know it was twitching a couple days ago but-..and... I-" His voice cracked a little before he continued. 

"I don't want to be the black paladin anymore. I can't take the right decisions, and when I think I'm about to do something I just- leave us all behind because Lotor could've killed me or at least injured me in a way that maybe I'd have to stay in a pod and if someone needed me we wouldn't be able to form Voltron and-" Keith realized he was mumbling things before he stopped and took a deep breath before whispering an almost inaudible whisper. "I need to stop overworking myself and not eating." 

His voice got a little higher for the next part. "And most importantly I need the real Shiro back to just take over and then I'll just be thrown into space because I'll just be keeping the team down and I am useless to them.” He stopped for a moment before continuing. “By saying the real Shiro I mean the caring and loving one, not the one that he is not it’s like- it’s like when he was taken by the Galra now he-...he changed.” 

He finished with that last sentence before clicking the camera off. His right hand started trembling after a while, and as he started to move it-which he horribly regretted- it sent a spiking pain all the way up his arm and he couldn't surpass the small and high pitched wince that escaped his lips.

He sighed heavily afterwards and mumbled. "I guess every foster family that ever told me I was useless were right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
> And please tell me in the comments what you guys thought of this.


	2. No one knows.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As he said.  
> If no one knows.  
> The better it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah another chapter wow I feel that I'm really inspired to write I guess.

Keith hadn't showed up for dinner that night, neither for breakfast and lunch the morning following. And that had left the paladins quite worried for the health of the dark haired teen, Lance couldn't stop thinking of their last mission and the almost close to horrified look that Keith had on his face.

He tried not to show his worry for the red-maybe now black- paladin as he paced quickly around the castle searching for him, in the morning Keith was in his room for sure since he wasn't seen anywhere not even the training deck but now he was nowhere to be seen, and that made Lance quite more worried than he already was.

Suddenly he came to a sudden halt as he spotted the mullet boy he has been searching for, and he watched as Keith struggled his way back to his room, Lance guessed it must've been it since they were very close to their quarters, and maybe Keith had sprained his ankle or something because it seemed that Keith was limping a little. 'But he wasn't limping yesterday though' The tanned boy thought but shrugged off that maybe something had happened in the morning and he didn't know about it. And another thing left Lance wondering if the other didn't realized he was standing there behind him considering he was always so attentive to his surroundings.

And for the looks of it it has seem that Keith wasn't in the training deck since there wasn't a single sweat in him and Cuban boy tried to think to where he had been.

What it felt like forever but it was actually a couple of minutes Keith came to a stop a few feet from his room when he just suddenly fell forward and if Lance hadn't been quick enough he'd have hit his head in the floor and probably even gotten a concussion for it.

And soon that Lance had grabbed a hold of him Keith looked up at the tanner boy with one of the most horrified looks he had ever given Lance before he stood up and slowly gained his balance and muttered a small sorry before he entered his room and the door shut quickly after him.

Lance thought he had either two options  
1\. Annoy Keith until he told what was wrong with him.  
2\. Tell the others and figure out something with them.

And Lance being Lance he chose the first one before he was pounding on Keith's door in an almost attempt to break it before he heard something being thrown at the metal door causing a loud clank and startling Lance.

"What do you want Lance." Came a raspy voice that Lance would recognize it anywhere.

"I want you to open this door right now and tell me what the quiznack is going on before I go tell the other!" Lance spoke quick, and too quick for Keith's liking considering the fact that he had a very persistent headache bothering him.

Keith took a moment to reply to Lance which made the never-so-ending impatience of the Cuban boy to grow even more before me finally said. "It's nothing now go away."

And that was not the response Lance wanted to hear so he kept talking. "If you don't tell me right now I'll go tell the others in this very instant- no I'll tell the others either way because something is terribly wrong with you and you aren't telling us." Lance took a deep breath before continuing. "And if I may remind you yesterday-" He couldn't continue his sentence because the door of Keith's room opened and there appeared Keith's form right in front of him.

"I'm just tired. Like yesterday I was tired that's why I couldn't- that's why that...incident happened." Keith spoke in a low tone as he looked down refusing to meet Lance's eyes.

"Tired? Tired from what? Being the leader? Yesterday we didn't even had any training sessions. Well maybe I know being the black paladin must take a toll on you but you don't even make most of the plans it's basically Shiro because well we know that if we left you to do everything you'll probably just end up-"

Keith eyes made Lance stop talking soon that he looked into them. Something was different. Very but very different, and as Lance looked at them he felt that Keith was in some kind of pain?

"Just get a new leader then if you don't want me." His voice came out as an soft almost inaudible whisper. "Go tell the black lion to accept Shiro again. Maybe she will listen to you." And after that the door was shut again leaving Lance regretting everything he said.

"Way to go Lance waaay to go."

_______________________

Keith walked to his bed before he wobbled for a moment and it felt like he had a blackout for one second because one moment he was standing by his bed and the next he was on the floor and his head hurt like a thousand of needles were being inserted there.

He knew he needed help, he knew he needed to tell someone, he knew it was getting worst but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He was afraid of what was actually happening to him, he was afraid it would make them thing he was useless and that they were going to throw him away and he'd stay alone for the rest of his life.

'No' He thought, 'They won't know it all I've to do is act normal around them and avoid them the most possible and nothing will happen.'

It took a moment for him to get up and once he did his vision swayed a little. 'But what if maybe it's that one thing the nurse at the garrison said I might have. No that's stupid she wasn't even certain and it's not that I have that.' That was all he thought before he collapsed on his bed and had a dreamless sleep.

___________________________

Pidge told Lance to stop pacing around Green's hangar and tell her what was going on and to stop mumbling things for what it felt that it was the one hundredth time

"And you know what he told me?!"

"No Lance I don't know what he told you because you won't tell me what's going on! You just keep mumbling nonsense that I can't even understand." After Pidge told him that he finally stopped walking and sat next to her.

"I'm sorry it's just, he doesn't look like Keith anymore." Lance said as he brought his legs close to his chest. "And I mean Keith never got 'tired'!"

"Lance just give him a day, because maybe he really is tired." Pidge looked at him. "Everyone gets tired once in a while and maybe he is mad at himself for being 'tired' like that at the last battle." 

Her words hadn't really sunken in him but he decided to take it before he went to the lounge where he expected everyone else was at.

______________________

And as it had turned out Keith didn't showed up for dinner as well, and that left Hunk knocking on Keith's door with a bowl of goo on his hand.

"Lance go away." The voice coming from the room said.

"It's not Lance it's me Hunk." 

And after hearing a couple of steps Keith opened the door and Hunk stared in awe because it REALLY looked like Keith was tired and maybe even sick he guessed. Keith's hair was a mess, the light on his room was dimmed so he could barely see anything inside, he had bags under his eyes and he looked a bit paler than usual. 

Hunk gulped down the big lump he had on his throats before speaking. "I brought you some food, since you didn't really showed up for any meal today." He gave him his casual warm smile before Keith took it with some hesitation from his hands.

"Thanks Hunk." Keith smiled a bit and that was a thing, Hunk thought before leaving the boy alone hoping Keith would at least eat some.

He prepared the amount that Keith usually ate, which was not much and in fact it was little compared to anyone else but it seemed that the skinny boy just couldn't keep it down more than what he put on his plate so no one never commented on it.

And to Hunk's happiness Keith did eat, a little but he did and he forced himself to eat it before he ended up throwing up everything he ate.

But Hunk didn't need to know that. No one did. And no one noticed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you thought in the comments.
> 
> Also you can find me on tumblr and Instagram @ Saekyomi and see my voltron fanarts .I'm planning on making a comic out of this story and posting it on my Instagram.


	3. The Harder it Gets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the pressure gets higher, the pain gets higher.

The castle was rather quiet after the whole incident from two days prior, and there wasn't a single soul in the castle that didn't noticed the small changes in Keith and also the fact that he was avoiding them.

Only showing up for breakfast just to leave a few minutes later because of Lance's small sarcasm implying that his appearance was a bothering him and everyone not allowing him to eat in peace.

And the fact that his hand was still slightly trembling and he almost dropped his spoon twice didn't help at all, so he took his leave feeling that he was unwanted there, and since everyone's eyes were on him that made him feel more uncomfortable than he already was. For him it was better if he left quickly before the questions came to him, which he could see Shiro was about to say something before he left.

Keith still had an enormous headache by the time he made it back to his room, and his fatigue had only seemed to increase even though he had slept more that night. He stayed on his bed for a bit only staring at his right hand and the unknown twitches that happened here and there along with the small pain when he tried to move it.

He let out a long shaky breath before laying on his bed ad staring at the ceiling before trying to catch some sleep.

Since when had he became so tired?

"I'm useless." Was all he whispered before sleep overtook him.

_________________

His body felt that barely a minute had passed since he closed his eyes before the alarms went off in the castle, he pushed the covers out of himself and quickly got up only to result in him tumbling and falling to the ground before he finally found his footing again and he ran to the control room, where everyone was gathered in their paladin armor and sent him weird stares making him feel a bother just by being there.

"A Galra ship is attacking the castle and the particle barrier won't hold any longer." Coran said in his usual worried tone breaking the awkward stares that were sent his way.

"Everyone get to your lions and take that ship down." Shiro cut in as he looked at the monitor where it showed the Galra ship attacking the castle of lions, before he eyed Keith with an very disappointed look.

________________

The Black lion told Keith he should stop overworking himself, which he didn't understood it at all considering that he couldn't even train for the past days, and that the world was blurt out to him most of the times and he was very but very tired. But he told the lion to stop worrying and that he wasn't overworking himself.

Another laser was shot in the direction of his lion and he wasn't quick enough to dodge it so he was sent flying a few feet away from where the others were. He slowly breathed out as he felt the pain from the blast, even if it wasn't that bad it was still something to make his headache grow.

_My cub Red is worried for you and it's asking if you're okay, and I'm worried as well!_

Black asked him in her worried mother tone, and Keith couldn't help but contain his chuckle because of the thought of how much Red and Black had grown attached to him. Even if he was Red's paladin anymore, Red would often still 'talk' to him or send messages through black.

"Y-yeah I'm fine." Keith breathed out as he pushed his controls to go back into the battle. And for him it sounded much more like he was trying to lie to himself rather than to Black.

"We won't be able to beat this ship without Voltron there are too many fighters fleets!" Lance shouted through the comms as he attacked another fighter. "Plus mullet here isn't helping us at all, he's just bringing us down because someone woke up moody today."

And if all eyes weren't on Keith before then they sure were now, everyone had realized that Keith seemed like he was having trouble- no not concentrating enough into the battle, and so badly did they knew that Keith had actually realized that.

"Shut up Lance, it seems that you aren't focusing enough." Pidge rolled her eyes as she took down once again another small fighter Galra fleet, and Keith reminded to thank her later.

"You guys have to form Voltron it will be quicker." He heard Shiro say and he so deadly wished that Shiro was piloting Black at the moment.

However he didn't noticed that a few ticks had passed before he heard Shiro calling for him. "Keith? KEITH?!"

"Y-yeah?" Keith mentally slapped himself for spacing out for a few- what? Seconds? Minutes? ticks?- for some time and not hearing what Shiro had said.

"See I told you that mullet isn't even paying attention to us." Lance's voice made Keith annoyed and he was sure he heard Black telling him that she told Red to make the now red paladin to stop, and he couldn't be more grateful.

"Keith I said you must form Voltron." Came Shiro's demanding voice ignoring Lance's comment.

"Okay." Keith replied before saying, "Let's form Voltron!"

____________

And so they did it, they formed Voltron and the battle was over in an instant. At least the outside- no physical battle was over in an instant with multiple cheers that could be heard as they went back to the castle, however Keith was still having his own battle to fight as waves of pain came shocking through him before he could even reach the hangars. His vision was all a blur, and his body didn't seemed to be responding to him.

He heard Black purr on the back of his head as she herself drove to the hangar, leaving Keith in a confused state of everything happening because on his mind he never remembered leaving the castle, or maybe he did, he couldn't decide it.

 

And in that state he recalled a faint memory of some time ago, during his early years of the garrison, when his vision had become blurred in the middle of a class, and all he could feel was a fever hot pain cursing through his body. All he remembered was waking up at the nurse's office and she telling him something was wrong with his body, and he refused to believe it, saying he just had a fever and that he should hurry back to his next class. He still remembers the disappointing look she had on her face as he left running.

He didn't remembered the name of the 'thing' she said he had; he made sure never to remember it, but he was sure it was going to come in handy at the moment.

And now here he was inside a magical space lion, trying his best to stand up as the pain only increased making him nauseous enough in order for him to fall to the ground barely get his helmet off before the little thing that he had on his stomach was emptied and he fell forward into a foreign darkness.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for updating this chapter so late, but I'll try to update the next one sooner, maybe even some time this week.
> 
> Gosh this makes me want a cowriter.
> 
> Anyways I hope you all enjoyed!! And feel free to send me a message on Tumblr it Instagram @ saekyomi and check out my voltron fanarts!


	4. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why did I do that?” Shiro still asked himself as it felt that the world itself was being turned to him.

Keith woke up to an enormous headache, his head felt that was being split apart, vision blurry, not helping with his current situation, but he could see he wasn’t in his room, nor the black lion which that’s where he faintly remembered being last. His mind still refused to actually remember what had happened after the battle they were on, and he could only ask himself if they had won or something equivalent to that.

“He’s awake!” Someone shouted or not, for him everything was just too loud; for a moment he regretted not shutting his eyes to stay with the nice silence he was in from when he woke up. His head only started to throb even more as he looked to the side confused, and the blurry images of all the castle members came to his view.

“What?” He tried to ask but his sore throat barely allowed any sound to come out as he tried to sit up and someone assisted in him doing so. He realized he was in a bed at the med bay, and a faint memory of throwing up inside the Black Lion came to his mind.

“Hey there we were quite worried that you wouldn’t wake up.” Lance helped Keith into a sitting position and held him steady, and deciding to wait until he felt Keith would be okay sitting on his own, which it had never happened because it seemed that the red-no the current Black paladin could barely keep his eyes open so let alone sit on his own.

“What happened?” Keith asked again and his voice came out slightly cracked, and he blinked continuously trying to get his vision to focus.

“You were in no condition to fight.” Shiro started and that had startled him for a moment before he looked at the Japanese man and he continued. “What were you thinking? You endangered everyone from the team.”

Keith looked down and he wished he didn’t had all eyes on him at that moment, he hated too much attention. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled but he was sure the other didn’t hear him as he continued.

“You were- no you are running a fever and you decided to keep it all to yourself. What would happen if it was Lotor? You’ve placed the lives of _everyone_  in danger.” Shiro now stood in front of Keith and he could see the older demanding for him to look up and stare at him, at least give him an acknowledgement that he was listening; but Keith couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t. For a moment it felt that everything was too overwhelming.

“I didn’t know.” Keith’s voice was low as he kept staring down to his hands. He knew a part of it was a lie, he knew something _was_ wrong with him, and he knew it wasn’t just a fever but he’d never bring himself to ask Coran or someone to scan to see what else is wrong with him. Because in fact a part of him knew what was it but decided to hide it from himself.

“Shiro I’m sure Keith learned his lesson so we should let him be, and also allow Coran to examine him to tell us if there’s any kind of medication we can give him to help with his Altean chil- fever.” Allura spoke and took some steps to be closer to Shiro.

“No he didn’t, and I’m sure he will just repeat everything over and over.” Shiro’s voice was sounding more of an annoyed person rather than an angry one. “Keith you’re the leader now of this team, you should know the dangers you have placed your team on.”

“Shiro...” Keith could hear Lance almost giving him a warning beside him.

The whole situation to Keith was just making him nauseous as he closed his eyes tightly before he felt Lance moving a bit and started rubbing his back. He took a deep breath before he started speaking.

“Yeah, Shiro is right.” He cleared his throat. “And I never asked to be the leader of this team, I’m not fit to be in this role so you can just try again in the black lion and rule this team like you always did.” He could feel the same slight tremors that he had felt in the past few days in his hands, and he was sure Lance could feel it too because of his worried eyes that traveled down to Keith’s arms. Keith went to move them but a spike of pain made his stop.

He really should get this under control. His mind told him but he couldn’t bring himself to as he watched Shiro open his mouth to speak once more, but Keith stopped him standing up from the bed, swaying a bit once on his feet and receiving worried eyes in his direction before he went on the direction to the door and allowed the door from the bed bay shut behind him as everyone was still frozen in their spots as they fell into an very awkward silence.

Pidge was the first one to break it. “He’s not okay.” She mumbled and Shiro looked at her with a confused stare, “And yet you still accused him for his faults. Shiro he’s still sick! Did you not see that he was in pain or something else?! And yet you just-“ She was cut off by Hunk when he started speaking.

“Someone should go check on him.” And that made them fall into another silence as they all tried to come up with a plan inside their head into approaching the sick paladin.

“Great job Shiro.” They were sure someone murmured that but they couldn’t bring themselves to see who was it.

___________

As Keith walked- or rather swayed pausing every couple of times when the pain was too much- down the hallways he finally realized that they had stripped him from his armor but left him with the black under suit they wore. He walked inside his room knowing he should take a shower but with his constant swaying he was afraid it was just too much for him to manage. He changed into his clothes, not bothering into where he threw what he was usually wearing, or about putting his jacket and fell straight into his bed. A part of him told him to rest and that his fever was still there so he should just focus into getting better.

“Just a fever huh?” He asked himself as he stared at the ceiling. “Hopefully it’s just that...I don’t want to be more useless than I already am.”

He shivered slightly under the covers and looked at his red jacket that was still by his wardrobe, after a long time of fighting with his mind and body we finally got up to get it. And it was as if this was his lucky day because just then a wave of pain hit him and he crumbled to the ground, the pain wasn’t even in his arms or leg anymore the pain was everywhere. His breath hitched as he tried to maneuver his way back to the bed, where after what felt like a varga he finally managed. Once in bed he curled into himself waiting for the pain to pass as he fell into an restless sleep.

_____________

Shiro looked at the stars before him and he cursed himself at speaking at Keith the way he had, he knew how much Keith hated attention and yet he gave him a semi-lecture in front of everyone, and worse he knew Keith was still and still is sick and that didn’t stop him from speaking at Keith like that.

Being the black paladin had taken a great toll on Keith, he was sure it was visible to everyone already. It wasn’t just the way his earth clothes hung awkwardly on his body, too many sizes too big for his small structure, or the way that Keith didn’t seem to show up to the meals except for dinner, or maybe even how Keith seemed to space out too much and would become startled when someone asked him a question and would ask for them to repeat.

He was sure Keith didn’t seem to pick up that Lance wasn’t making so many jokes about him, or that Hunk tried to get more eatable foods from other planets saying that he was sick of the food goo when it obviously was because he wanted Keith to eat more, or even when Pidge had set up an device on the training room to not allow Keith to fight an level 5 gladiator. Keith seemed very distant to his team, to himself even so they were sure he would never realize those things.

The paladins told him that when he had disappeared Keith refused to leave him room for about 7 quintants. And that when he finally came out it was as if death had taken its appearance in him. Even with Shiro back he could still see the prominent dark circles under his eyes.

A part of him knew that Keith wanted him to take Black, he knew it but he had tried once and Black didn’t answer him so what’s more to try? He was sure that if he tried once more the Black Lion would just ignore him, again.

He burried his face into his hands. He had to apologize he knew it and yet the courage was still so far behind him he couldn’t bring himself to even stand up.

His mind slowly drifted to the time they were at the Garrison and that once Keith had fainted- or so that’s what he was told- in the middle of class and after the doctor from the Garrison told him whatever it was that happened to him he remembered the way Keith clinged to Shiro like his life was depending on it, not wanting to let go even as they walked down the corridors to their sleeping quarters.

Shiro remembers patting Keith’s back as the other mumbled on what it was that the doctor told him-which he regretted immensely not remembering what it was since a part in him said that maybe it wasn’t medical error and that maybe it _WAS_ actually true-and he remembered that Keith had even cried saying he was going to be useless, and that he couldn’t be a pilot anymore, yet Shiro made Keith believe otherwise and told him that the doctor was probably high on drugs, because this was Garrison and who would be able to work with Iverson or any of the other high ranked officials, and that they made medical errors all the time, he also told Keith that he would never be useless. At least not to him.

And remembering that hit him like a rock. He was supposed to be comforting his little brother- or how Matt used to tell Shiro that this is what it looked like-not accusing him.

“I’ve allowed all the trust he had in me just vanish because I was stupid.” Shiro told himself before finding the almost non-existent courage to get up and go apologize Keith.

He walked with determination to Keith’s quarters and he was sure this time he wouldn’t regret everything over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AFGASHAGSA  
> I’m so so sorry to be updating late again.  
> I was trying to update once a week but life got in the way.  
> I tried to make this chapter a little longer so I hope you like it.
> 
> Also soon you guys will be able to see a mini ‘schedule’ of when I’ll update the next few chapters and it will be posted on Tumblr (I’m trying to keep everything in order since I don’t want to take too long in updating this and also by now I’ve some chapter pre-written só it makes everything easier) also you can anything you would like regarding this story on it and you can see my VLD fanarts on IG @ Saekyomi (for both Tumblr and Instagram)
> 
> (Also I’m planning on posting some snippets whenever you guys are waiting for the chapter to be done if you guys are okay/want that :) It might just be a sentence or maybe even a hint of what’s going to happen)
> 
> Please tell me what you thought of this chapter in the comments down below. I love reading comments! They can be positive, neutral or negative I still love reading them.


	5. Please tell me you’re wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘It wasn’t true.’ His mind told him.

Shiro’s mind twirled around the same words ‘don’t mess it up.’ His pace quickened as he neared the hallway where their quarters were. He could feel every thud of his heart against his ribcage as he neared Keith’s room, anxiety almost making him back up, too afraid that Keith was going to kick him out or maybe even that he would be too late,  
however his mind knew what he had to do so he ignored all the thoughts that passed through his mind and kept going.

He came to a stop when he finally reached Keith’s door and a cold sweat was formed in his brow. He could do it, he knew it and yet he knew that he could somehow make the situation worse than it already was, he hoped Lance or Hunk or anyone walked by and distracted him from his thoughts, but his wish was never granted and he stayed there frozen by Keith’s door awaiting for himself make up his mind. Without any second thought he knocked twice.

He waited for Keith to say “Go away.” or something related to that but for his surprise it never came, instead an quiet almost like whimper came and he shoved his hand on the hand pad besides the door to open it. Worried eyes searched the dark room before finding a bundle on the corner of the bed and realizing it was Keith curled up under the covers trembling and whimpering slightly.

Shiro acted on instinct as he hurried to Keith’s side and uncovered him enough to see his face, even with the dim light from the hallway that was lightning up the room he could see the way that Keith’s cheeks were a bright red, and hid breathing erratic. Shiro placed his human hand on Keith’s forehead before retracting immediately because of the heat coming from it, his mind told him to go get Coran or anyone but all he truly wanted to do was cradle Keith in his arms and just stay that way.

Keith’s eyes slowly opened, unfocused to the word before him making Shiro more worried than he already was, before he went out to quickly find Coran and tell the older Altean to scan Keith because he was sure that whatever was happening wasn’t just a bad case of ‘space flu.’

_______

The others found themselves stuffed in Keith’s room as Coran hovered over the boy, taking small blood samples and just scanning him with an weird Altean hand object. By then Keith only opened his eyes a few times and didn’t seem to acknowledge any of them before he closed them, Shiro was there sitting in a small chair Hunk had brought him and carefully caressing Keith’s hair.

“Are you sure it’s not just a space flu?” Hunk asked and tried to ignore the stares sent his way.

“Well it can be but even if it is we need to know how severe it is and how much the dose of the medicine his Galra part can take.” Coran explained before adding, “Some Altean medicines can do many damage to the Galra body, and perhaps it can even kill him if we are not cautious enough.”

And with that they all fell into an uncomfortable yet frustrated silence as they waited patiently, for Coran to finish whatever he was doing and hopefully hear the older Altean say “oh he is going to be just fine.”, however, that never came. The only thing they got was Coran saying he would need Pidge’s help to get the results and translate everything, and so they both left the other members stacked in a single room as they watched Keith’s non-steady rise and fall from his chest.

After a few more minutes in the silence Hunk went off to cook something saying Keith would be hungry when he awoke so he wanted to be prepared, leaving alone Shiro and Lance.

“Shiro I-“ Lance started and soon that the older man turned to look at him he froze on the spot before he started again. “Shiro I should’ve told someone sooner.” His voice was low almost inaudible as he spoke.

Shiro turned to give him his full attention, “What do you mean Lance?”

“Some quintants ago we had an encounter with Lotor...” Lance started off and watched as Shiro nodded meaning for him to go on, “And Keith he- he dropped his bayard and Lotor almost killed him.”

Lance took a deep breath before continuing not daring to look at Shiro as he tried to focus on his feet. “But the thing is Keith’s hand was shaking like really hard and he looked like he was in pain after I saved him but he wouldn’t say anything about it, and then a day after he fainted or, well, he fell but not like he lost his footing or anything but rather like he actually fainted for a couple of seconds, and after I caught him he gave me some lame excuse saying he was tired AND I KNOW HE WASNT. And I’m...I'm worried, ever since you disappeared it’s like he started vanishing away and now...” _It feels like he is dying._

Shiro got up and stood in front of Lance before placing a hand on the teen’s shoulder. “I know you’re worried Lance, I’m too. But I also know Coran and Pidge will find something that can help him, because for all I know it could be a space flu that he caught in one mission and he kept hidden until now.” His words were as if he was lying to himself as he continued when Lance’s eyes met his. “Keith is a strong yet stubborn kid, he will be fine.” _He will not be fine._

A few words hung unspoken between he two of them before Lance thanked Shiro and slowly left the room. Keith’s sleeping form was still huddled in the blankets and when Shiro looked at him he felt that he had never seen Keith that small, and just the thought broke his heart before he seated besides Keith’s bed and started caressing the boy’s hair.

_______

“So far we found _NOTHING_.” Pidge cried as she rubbed he bridge of her nose as she laid exhausted on the couch where Hunk and Lance were at.

“Nothing? Like nothing at all?” Hunk asked and received a glare from Pidge.

“Yeah. We are waiting for some other results come out because the computer is trying to match off with the Galra and Human biology. But most importantly I need to know the symptoms that he was feeling before and now but smart ass is not lucid enough to understand or to even talk.” She stared at the ceiling and closed her eyes.

“Well his hand was shaking a lot at times.” Lance started and in a second the attentions of his friends were on him. “What? Did you guys not noticed? I mean he dropped his bayard when we were fighting Lotor and he looked in pain.” And both shook their head as Lance sighed.

“I’ll go talk to Coran I’ll see if he found anything yet.” And with that Pidge left the two gentlemen silent in the room.

_______

"'Kashi..." Keith called as he opened his tired eyes, extending out his hand to the blurry figure that he'd recognized as the one and only person he knew would stay by his bed, Shiro. 

With teeth chattering, and his shallow breaths it didn’t help Shiro to feel that Keith was getting any better. Keith’s fever was still dangerously high, no matter how much he had tried to lower it nothing seemed to work and with each passing second Keith seemed to be suffering even more. And the horrible wet coughs that left his body only intensified as the fever progressed.

Shiro looked at the boy's hands before taking it gently with his left and smiling.

"I'm here Keith...I’m here.” His soothing voice allowed Keith to fall back to an restless sleep yet once again.

A part of him wanted to scream, to wake Keith up and apologize to him. However another part of him told him that he shouldn’t and that Keith wouldn’t even be able to fully understand him; he ran his hand up Keith’s damp hair once again and watched carefully Keith’s peaceful face become contorted with agony.

“If only I remembered.” Shiro mumbled to himself before the door opened suddenly and Pidge panted as if she had ran miles to get there. “Pidge are you okay? What happened?”

Her eyes met his and he could see the desperation in them before she started “Med bay now.” Was all she said before she left running once again, and so did he but not before looking back to Keith’s sleeping form and leaving through the door telling himself it would be okay to leave him alone for a couple of minutes, and that it wouldn’t take long.

But he was very wrong.

_______

“Guys what happened why are we all here?” Shiro asked once he walked in and saw everyone huddled into a corner where they were staring intensely into the computer screen.

They all turned to look at him and their eyes were horrified, it was Allura the one who first started speaking. “Shiro we...we believe that we have found what’s wrong with Keith.” Her shoulders were stiff from tension almost as if she was afraid on how Shiro would react.

“Well then tell me already.” He was growing impatient by each second as he finally stepped closer to them and crossed his arms.

_Please tell me he is not going to die please tell me I’m wrong please tell me he is not going to die please-_

“Shiro after we ran the scans nothing had actually showed at first, then I started matching off some things that Lance told me he saw it happening with both Galra and Human medical files and well it’s not one hundred percent sure but-“ Pidge started explaining before she was quickly interrupted by Lance’s impatience.

“Keith is dying because his alien body is suddenly too much for the human part. THERE.”

Shiro’s mind went blank as the world crumbled around him, seconds, minutes, hours could’ve passed and he wouldn’t realize as the words Lance said kept repeating over and over in his head as he knew he could never accept what he has just learned.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arrgjhhhj I feel that this chapter is so rushed =-= I might edit it later.  
> And I’m so sorry to be updating later than I expected, some things happened and I just got my wisdom teeth removed and it HURTS T^T
> 
> Anyways thank you guys for being patient with me!!
> 
> I want to know what you guys thought of this chapter!!
> 
> Soon I’ll be done with some angsty drawing of this story and post on both my tumblr @saekyomi (and come talk to me there & ask me questions) and Instagram @saekyomi 
> 
> Anyways I hope you all have a nice day!


	6. A Much Needed Hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith needs Shiro just as much Shiro needs Keith.

Shiro refused himself to look at Keith, four days had passed since the so called ‘discovery’ and the words still hadn’t sunken in his head. Four days had passed and Voltron still wasn’t needed and that made all of them extremely worried, yet not even close to being prepared for some unknown Galra plan, that they may all have feared. Four days had passed and Shiro hadn’t once been close to Keith, he couldn’t do it he told himself, even when he heard Keith calling for him in the midst of his feverish nights, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bear the thought of looking at Keith and just imagining him...dying. It was just too much for him to bear it.

Keith’s fever broke on the third day, he was calling for Shiro the whole time as it did so, but once again Shiro didn’t show up, instead Coran went and took his temperature then left him alone. As the day had progressed the others didn’t allowed him to leave his room, they told him that it was for him to recover and that the fever really did take a toll on him.

Much to everyone’s surprise who were expecting him to tell them he was feeling great and that he could even hit the training deck; it never came, instead they just saw as he curled up into a ball in the corner of his bed and not a single word was spoken. The others had decided not to tell Keith yet about what they had found out, and they’d slowly watch if things progressed, knowing “knew it would probably only do worst than good. However a part of them all had a feeling Keith knew something was wrong way before they did.

Occasionally as Keith slept the mumbles of the name Shiro came. But nothing would make the older change his mind. Nothing.

_______________________

Shiro sat in the couch of the common room as he kept making plans to how he would avoid Keith at all costs. As he was so busy with his thoughts he hadn’t realized Allura entered the common room and took a sit besides him.

“We are all worried about you,” Her voice startled him from his thoughts as he brought his full attention at her. “You don’t have to worry, everything will be alright.” Her calm voice irritated him.

‘How can it be alright when it already isn’t?’ He wanted to shout at her but decided to keep it quiet.

His breathing hitched for a moment, Shiro felt that he couldn’t contain his anger...or sadness inside any longer. Ever since they all told him what it was happening to Keith, they dropped the subject all together and didn’t answer any of Shiro’s questions with right answers. All they kept repeating was “We will figure something out”, “It will be alright.” When NO he knew it would never be alright. 

“Shiro I know you’re upset, I understand but please you need to talk to us...please talk to your teammates. You’re their leader.” The word leader felt like a rock was thrown his direction and he could barely hold in the screaming that he had inside of him.

When Keith wanted him to lead voltron in the Black Lion again, he refused to do it. He refused to do the one thing Keith had asked him- no begged him for it, and yet here he was being called the leader of Voltron, but now not because he’s doing what Keith wanted; no, now he was doing it because Keith couldn’t do it anymore.

Allura waited a couple of moments in silence before she finally decided to speak her worries, “He asked for you.”

“I know.” He breathed out as he rubbed his eyes.

“Shiro he wants to see you, and you’ve heard it. You can’t keep avoiding him forever.” Her tone felt more like a demand which was much rejected by him.

“I won’t.” He replied as he tried to finish the subject quickly as possible.

“No you won’t, I know it.” She sighed before continuing, “You don't have to beat yourself up, you do know it’s not your fault any of this happened and now look at him he’s better already.” Shiro felt that Allura had read his thoughts.

“But you don’t know when he’ll get worst again.” His words felt harsh against his tounge, but Allura could understand why so she placed a hand on his shoulder.

“If he gets worst. We will figure out a way to help him.” Allura looked worriedly at Shiro, she could feel the tension in the air but still tried to keep her calm. “Shiro please talk to him.”

When no response came she got up and made her way to the door, but just before she left she said loud enough for him to hear it. “You don’t know how hard he tried to find you when you disappeared...you don’t know how much he suffered and had beaten himself because of it, so the least you could do is be supportive for him.” And with that she finally left.

Shiro felt tears form in his eyes, and he did something he hadn’t done in a long time. 

He finally cried. 

___________________

Keith stumbled out of his bed as he struggled a bit with his balance, he brushed all off reasoning that it was because of the fever that he had and because he had stayed in bed too long. He looked down and realized he was in someone else’s clothing, the shirt looked too big to be anyone’s but Shiro’s or Hunk’s as it went down to his mid thigh.

His head fumbled with questions of where was Shiro as he made his way into the cool hallway and felt a chill air pass by him before a voice called.

“Keith.” 

He turned around quickly almost loosing his balance with the movement before seeing Shiro with his own eyes. The other looked...tired if he could say the least, beaten down, with an uneasy expression on his face.

“S-shiro...” Keith started but his voice came out as a mere whisper.

Taking a deep breath Shiro walked toward Keith and embraced him in a big engulfing hug as tears formed into his eyes but he didn’t let any of them slip as Keith fumbled with his arms to get them around Shiro.

And in that moment none of them wanted anything else than that much needed hug.

 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so so sorry into taking soooo long in updating. Some family business came up and then school and then work ughh..and I know this chapter is short..  
> But the next updates shouldn’t take long I promise!! Since I already have 3 more chapters written and almost fully edited.
> 
> Please tell me what you guys thought of this chapter!!  
> Anwyays thank you so much for reading!!
> 
> You guys can find me on Tumblr and IG with the username @ Saekyomi !!


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